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Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

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mimi2009

I think you are doing the best thing for your wife, be happy with yourself and ignore the people who put you down. You are supporting your wife and keeping yourself sane.

I'm kinda in the opposite corner, I'm a single woman who is disabled. Sex can be uncomfortable but as I don't have a partner it's not a problem. However I'm horny as hell! I don't want a life partner (not that I'd get one now anyway) but I do need a thoughtful playmate that could just give me a good shag occasionally! Life does suck at times! (I just wish I could)

tatgod

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

theres sombody out there for us all,maybe not on this site but there is sombody who will find you or vice verca.

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

totally agree

Sort of same boat myself


Spanker44uk

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

know exactly where you'r coming from. Sounds very similar to my own situation.

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

I'm not into swinging but do prefer married men... so there is someone for everyone.You have fun and ignore those that have a problem. Its your life do as you please, not what others want

From a b1tch who is always horney
BirdwatchingBob

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

I have seen a growing number of judgemental persons who state on their profiles that they do not wish to meet married men who are sneaking around. A lot of people on this site met as a result of an affair.


I've seen this same sort of attitude towards other groups of people, so if it makes you feel any better, it is not just you in this situation.

I've seen plenty of people who say they want women or couples, but no single men. And some of them are pretty rude about it too.

I think we all of us have our needs and desires. Most people don't want to have sex with everyone on the planet, so obviously if everyone on the planet writes to a specific person they are not going to be interested in a percentage of the people contacting them.

I think the main problem is that rather than say "no thanks", some people get a bit rude about it. If someone is not interested in being with a married man, then it is best for you to know this before you get involved with them. But there is no need for them to insult you.

The worst thing is when people call people "timewasters" before they have even contacted them.

To be fair to the people you are complaining about, it is sometimes a bit hard to say "no thanks", without people inferring a rudeness that is not actually there. And I do know that some people do not take no thanks for an answer and keep pushing people until they get more assertive. If a bi-curious woman who has a boyfriend, but who wants a girlfriend, gets 100 times as many men contacting her as women, she will probably eventually get fed up with trying to be polite.

You and I both know that there are men out there who will lie to women in order to trick their way into that woman's knickers. Maybe you are not like that - I know I am not, but there are plenty of other guys like that out there. And married men like you, and single men like me, end up getting flack because we get lumped in with the other guys.

Anyway, if you are going to come onto a dating site like this, you are going to write a profile that sets out your stall. And you are going to see other people write their own profiles that set out their own stall. You are bound to like some and dislike others. It would be nice if everyone found people they liked and said nice stuff to them and followed the old rule of "if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all". But if someone is particually attractive to a group they are not interested in, they are going to end up swamped by that group or putting up a "I don't want X" message.

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

There are indeed many people who met as a result of an affair on here, but I bet a lot of them would have still been with their original partners if they had had an honest and open relationship. Why can't more people see sex as just adult enjoyment without all the hang ups and guilt, if people were more open about their desires to meet and have sex with others, then there would be no need to sneak around. In an ideal world perhaps !! I am part of a married couple and it is primarily my husband who loves to have sex with others, I always get the benefit when he comes home. But when my hubby first advertised saying he was on here with wifes full approval, it was like 'yeh right - who are you trying to kid' I don't have any problems with single guys, or married guys, If I am genuinely not interested then I email back and give them the honest reason and wish them well and hope they find what they are looking for- there is never a reason to be rude.

I have seen a growing number of judgemental persons who state on their profiles that they do not wish to meet married men who are sneaking around. A lot of people on this site met as a result of an affair.


I've seen this same sort of attitude towards other groups of people, so if it makes you feel any better, it is not just you in this situation.

I've seen plenty of people who say they want women or couples, but no single men. And some of them are pretty rude about it too.

I think we all of us have our needs and desires. Most people don't want to have sex with everyone on the planet, so obviously if everyone on the planet writes to a specific person they are not going to be interested in a percentage of the people contacting them.

I think the main problem is that rather than say "no thanks", some people get a bit rude about it. If someone is not interested in being with a married man, then it is best for you to know this before you get involved with them. But there is no need for them to insult you.

The worst thing is when people call people "timewasters" before they have even contacted them.

To be fair to the people you are complaining about, it is sometimes a bit hard to say "no thanks", without people inferring a rudeness that is not actually there. And I do know that some people do not take no thanks for an answer and keep pushing people until they get more assertive. If a bi-curious woman who has a boyfriend, but who wants a girlfriend, gets 100 times as many men contacting her as women, she will probably eventually get fed up with trying to be polite.

You and I both know that there are men out there who will lie to women in order to trick their way into that woman's knickers. Maybe you are not like that - I know I am not, but there are plenty of other guys like that out there. And married men like you, and single men like me, end up getting flack because we get lumped in with the other guys.

Anyway, if you are going to come onto a dating site like this, you are going to write a profile that sets out your stall. And you are going to see other people write their own profiles that set out their own stall. You are bound to like some and dislike others. It would be nice if everyone found people they liked and said nice stuff to them and followed the old rule of "if you can't say anything good, don't say anything at all". But if someone is particually attractive to a group they are not interested in, they are going to end up swamped by that group or putting up a "I don't want X" message.

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

I must admit its not something I would do behind my wifes back. I am lucky that we are in a relationship that if I wanted to have sex with someone else than i would but wife would know all about it but it swings ( sorry about the pun) both ways if she wanted to have sex with someone else i would know about it. altho we have put up on our profile that it is cpl and bi-F we are looking for Iwe are happy to chat with anyone and we feel that well if the opertunity arose well you can never say no.

but that is just it i feel it is sex not love, not any thing more, I have had the optunty to plesure some other females, sometimes just once as they needed cock other times because their parnter was no longer able.

sex is an primeval act that should be fun for both sides, its not love, it not for life its just sex.

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

This is not a matter of discrimination, it a matter of personal preferences.

If a person writes in their profile that they do not want to meet a certain grouping of people, the readers should not respond if they are a member of that grouping.

We have been running swingers sites for over 10 years and fail to understand why people respond to ads where they do not meet the criteria the advertiser has specifically said they are looking for.

Our personal ads all say that Jo is looking for Single guys aged 18-45, but every day she get emails from guys aged in their 60`s and 70's. In all our ads we say we want a photo of the face not the genitals, and what do we get? Cock shots or no picture.

If people respond to ads where they do not meet the criteria they should expect to get either no response or a very blunt reply.

As for your particular position, we can understand why many swingers don't want to meet you on several levels, even if they do commiserate with your position.

Swingers are in this for fun. they do not want the complications of risking breaking up a relationship.

Swinging is about open relationships and honesty. If your wife is happy for you to play away she would tell you. Her saying "I don't care what you do" in an argument is not her permission.

She should not find sex painfull. If she does it is down to one of a couple of things. Either she has a medical problem and should see a doctor and get the problem fixed, or you do not arouse her any more and are having painful sex as a result.

David & Jo
dirtyberty2009

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

1) I never contact persons who state a preference and I I do not fit that preference.
2) You seem unnecessarily very aggressive with your reply and seem to me to have little vision or experience of life.
3) You do not seem to have read and digested my posting thoroughly.
4) I am always honest and state that I am married when replying to an invitation, so it is then up to the other side.
5) I wished I lived in your perfect world.
6) There are things that have not been disclosed in my posting that are private yet personal to us.
6) I am glad I have not encountered you both.
7)You are in no position to make nasty comments about the whys a wherefores of what other people do.
8) You are obviously predigest against someone who has needs the same as you.
9) Whatever, I hope that your perfect life continues without any hiccups.
10) There are people on this site who really know me and understand.
Best wishes. DB.
BirdwatchingBob

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

I think there are two problems here:

1) People not reading profiles properly and then bugging people who don't want to meet that sort of person.

and

2) People who get bugged by someone from a certain group and then think they have some sort of right to be rude to everyone else from the same group.

I think that both things are wrong. There are two things I want from my social life: friends and lovers. And I actually have a much wider idea of who I want as a friend.

For example, I don't want any sort of sexual encounter with a man, but I've already got plenty of male friends and would not worry about having more male friends.

However, I have had chats with TVs only to find them bugging me later with "are you sure you don't want to cyber". I think that people that do stuff like that (i.e. not take "no" as "no") let the side down, because when you can't trust in people to respect your boundaries it encourages you to shut down.

But from the other side of things, getting so jaded with the minority of horny people (who don't want to take no as an answer) that you start being snappy means that you are loosing opportunities to make friends.

Personally, I don't expect everyone I know to be someone who pants I want to get into. But I do expect them to respect me. And respect is something you have to give - not demand. I fully understand why people put up messages saying: "no X, Y or Z", but if that message is worded two rudely, it is a bit offputting to me.

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

I agree bird ..I get loads of mails.. I dont think a lot of them have bothered to read my profile. just see pic and mail me ???

OP..
If things can not be sorted or wife is not willing. you both have needs.Its upto you to get yours else were. If theres is non at home or a willing giver. I dont blame you looking else were.

How can any guy go with out.

Spanker44uk

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

Having gone without for quite some time (my situation is in many ways identical to db's), I can tell you it's not easy...
I totally agree with everything db has said - I never approach anyone who has clearly stated in their profile that I don't fit with their preferences, and when I do respond I always try to be courteous to the lady in question, and in most cases I must say, the refusals are polite. However there are those who who have sent back replies that vary from the blunt and mildly rude to bordering on a rant against cheating husbands - one (last year sometime) from a married woman who required discretion!
Courtesy costs nothing, and none of us has the right to be judgemental of others of whom we know very little.
TheAnalogKid

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

In life, folks always make judgments about others....

It's usually not fair, but c'est la vie.


At the end of the day, you should put a positive slant on their prejudice. If they assume you're some awful cheating male then fine... they clearly aren't the sort of folks you would want to meet anyway right?

I have precisely the same attitude with folks who say the following:

"I know how to please" - already you've just told me that you don't!
"I'm very shy" - the odds are against it
"Proffessional (sic) couple" - Somehow, I think not



It's strange how swingers like to believe they are fairly liberal and open minded, and yet so often exhibit some draconian behaviour and extreme prejudice. It's a real shame, but shouldn't come as a surprise. Thankfully, 10% or so are pretty decent people who you can chat with, have a laugh with, and who don't really give two hoots about your situation, they just like the guy they see.

Ignore the other 90%.

Best of luck!

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

Very similar situation myself. I have had little success on other sites and can only assume there is a deep seated disliking in women for married men playing away. Although this site appears a bit friendler still no joy - may be i'm not forward enough...
liberbib

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

Years ago, I developed something I called the "Baggage THeory of Sex" that I think applies. Msg restrictions permit me from giving details but the basis is that good sex requires consenting adults who respect each other and the 'baggage' that accompanies each other, whether it be other spouseslovers, family members, community, finances that are shared with spouse, risk of STDs, and several other factors.

It sounds like in your case that you have covered most of this ground and are comfortable with the answers for you and your wife but you may be missing the issues and stength of the 'baggage' that other members of this site may be carrying. Although a less hostile or rude response from those who object to a "married man" would be nice, it is their 'baggage' and their emotions involved. Their boundaries must also be respected even if it means accepting their less friendly response.

A
ibizalovers

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

hi just to say on your side ,its better when over half is with but if not can,t be helped.my wife has a friend in same boat.but he comes round and we have fun.so no problen if his wife wanted to come greatimg src="imagesadultemoticons014.gif"

ibizalovers

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

img src="imagesadultemoticons030.gif" img src="imagesadultemoticons028.gif" check us out??
goldenarrow1

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

img src="imagesadultemoticons027.gif" yup u r absolutely right. i love u for this
BustyBlondWoman

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

To be honest I prefer married men to single lol
BBW :)

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

Just to say i totaly agree with the first post on this as im in a very similar situation. There are a lot of honest reasons why married people are on these sites, we're not all just cheatting low life! but just to make things even harder for myself (pardon the pun!) im really only looking for 'soft swing' as i just feel however infrequent full sex is with my wife, that act should be between her and myself, but for some reason 'soft swing' seems to be a dirty word on swinging sites!? img src="imagesadultemoticons017.gif"

Re: Why the descrimination against married "cheating" male swingers?

where do you get the idea soft swinging is a dirty word then? try searching for soft swingers and you'll find more members looking for that than anything else, maybe its just a case that couples only want to soft swap with other couples rather than a single male, so perhaps get the Mrs involved then you'll start finding more couples keen to soft swap