Advice for Aspiring Submissives

I've been going through a lot of profiles today and there are a LOT of people out there who are looking to learn to be a sub or looking to learn about the BDSM lifestyle.

I wanted to give you some advice to start out in this lifestyle that could very well save you a lot of pain (the bad kind) and heartache.

What qualifies me to give this advice? 6 years of training to be a Master by a Master, 25+ years training subs and being in the lifestyle. Some high protcol experience. Have had a few 24/7 TPE relationships.


Not all of this advice applies to hookups, however it's still a good idea to pay attention.

-- If someone contacts you and immediately wants you to call them Master or wants you to call them sir or anything to that effect, BIG RED FLAG you should probably stay away from them.

There are a few that want you to submit to them right away. These people are usually fake Doms or people out to hurt you and not in a good way.

A good Dom or Master will take the time to get to know you, find out your likes, dislikes, soft and hard limits. This is called vetting. It's a must.

-- Vetting can last as long as you want it to and always its your choice to submit or not. A person that genuinely wants to be with you will be patient during the vetting process. BDSM is all about consent.

-- SUBMISSION IS NOT A GIFT!! A gift is something you give without any expectations of getting anything in return. In a BDSM relationship you are giving your submission in return for their Dominance. It's an exchange, not a gift.

-- When getting into a BDSM relationship it's a good idea to write up an agreement that you both sign. It should include everything you agree to include in your dynamic. The do's and dont's, hard limits etc. This agreement WILL NOT protect anyone in a court, that's a myth. But it will lay out for you and your partner what is acceptable and what is not. This agreement can be revisited by either of you at any time.

-- Learn the difference between fun play and ab*se. If your Dom or Master is making you feel bad about yourself outside of any kinks you might have, that is ab*se. You like pain and getting bruised? Awesome, but if you are hurt and your Dom or Master refuses you medical care and tries a do it themself approach, he/she is probably nervous or scared about what he has done to you and this either borders on ab*se or flat out is ab*se. If you are hurt, use your safeword and get what you need.

-- Safewords. Have one in any Dom/sub relationship. They should be used only in extreme situations. Master/sl*ve total power exchange relationships are a bit different and may not have safewords. However, at the point you are ready for that type of relationship, you and your Master will trust and know each other completely.

-- Above all, trust your gut when it comes to meeting someone new. Meet in a public place a few times before going anywhere alone. Make sure you have that written agreement before doing anything with that person.


Stay safe newbies, I sincerely hope you pay attention to this so you can have a positive first experience in this lifestyle.

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